furiously smoking myself into a shriel

I am sore, sad, bitter and angry. This morning I started smoking again.
Last night I wrote what I can call the best piece of my life on philosophical questions of decision, determinism and justice but while posting it to this page it was deleted! gone with the wind leaving a traumatising suture on my mind. It was a rare moment of ilumination whose outcome was an excellent piece of writing with beautiful words having perfect cohesion and coherence sitting next to one another to nearly solve my long challenging conflict with explication de motes. I was on the verge of solving the problem of determinism and justice and decisionism for myself after months of trials and tribulations. But it was all gone! As I was giving my whole heart and thought to only scribling the piece, I couldn't later piece up the picture again and that was terrible. I couldn't sleep. I wanted to kill myself with rage. What a shocking experience.
It may take months again to come to such a subtle moment of epiphany.
Let's pin in another coffin nail.

rage rage against the dying of the light